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Personal Project: Coffee & Flowers

Coffee & Flowers: Trying Not To Feel Bad

Today, I had to ask to be sent home from work early because the thing they don’t tell you about the treatment of amoebiasis is that’s it is fucking painful. Mahapdi kind of pain, too. I spent my lunch break doubled-over while eating spam on a park bench (you gotta eat, the doctor said) and wondering how to tell my boss that I felt like dying. Anyway, in the end they let me go although I do feel disappointed in myself for not being able to sit the day out. Or I don’t know if that disappointment is just a defense mechanism for being afraid that I’ll get fired. I made my quota (a little over), even if I was half-day today but who knows, you know? Things happen. Mleh.

ImageAnyway, there’s nothing I can do about the amoebs except sit the pain out (at home), so I’ve been trying not to feel bad about the whole thing and just do shiz that will make the rest time worthwhile (although, don’t get me wrong–just not writhing in pain in itself is pretty worthwhile). So I’ve been listening to a lot of music and reading (or trying to, without falling asleep: this medicine is crazy strong) and writing. I’ve also downloaded s03e07 of GIRLS–so I’m looking forward to watching that in a bit.

So, yeah. :)) Basically trying not to feel bad. It is difficult, but it can be done! I thiiiink.

 

Categories
Personal Project: Coffee & Flowers

Coffee & Flowers: Laughter

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I was expecting yesterday to be a crap day. I’m sick so even now, all I want to do is lay in bed and close my eyes, living life as a pillow. Regardless, I had to go to school yesterday to pay for my grad fees because the people who make the DLSU grad assessment seriously don’t know a lot about layout–the “Total:” category doesn’t include the surcharge (which is P850), so fak.

I’m really happy I went to school despite being super tired when I got home (I fell asleep at 8:30 PM and woke up at 7:30 AM–deymmmmm that’s almost 12 hours!) because I ended up laughing most of the day. Even if it won’t fix anything, really–I feel like in most cases of the blues, laughter is like Bioflu: it’s the only thing strong enough to tide you over until you know what to do with yourself again.

These past few days have been crazy. I feel like sometimes time is like the flu–there are just days when it comes back to haunt you even if you’ve been vaccinated left and right. Although it’s good you’ve been vaccinated because there really are days when it comes to attack and you can dodge it or it just slides off of your very strong immune system.

And then there are days when it catches you off guard and you’re stuck in a moment all over again: you’re back in years ago (whenever that is/was), re-living all the hings you wish you hadn’t done. And there isn’t anything you can do but lay in bed until you get better.

I’ve been feeling like this for the past few days and yesterday really got me out from the bottom of that pit. I spent the day with my friends Ron and Ivan and we ended up in the library playing this game called Scattergories. I was a little hesitant to play at first because I had flu brain (still do) and I can/could really feel myself dispensing energy to be able to come up with words but it ended up being really fun and I’m even more convinced that the best endeavors are those worth defying your default setting for.

I’m at a board meeting for our company today–again, I wish I could rest but that doesn’t seem to be an option. Although¬† the aforementioned almost-12 hours of sleep definitely does help.