Coffee & Flowers: Open Letters & Instax Photos

This year I made the resolution not to keep a journal because I’d kept a journal for every year of my life since 1998 and it just seemed like too much: too many memories stacking themselves higher, growing more voluminous than yourself. It’s weird. But at the same time, I can’t quite accept the non-existence of some sort of documentation of what’s going on. It is important to remember, I think: it’s important to keep track—to know where you’re going, when you’re going, how.

As a result, I’ve decided that I’m going to begin taking photos and maybe writing things down again: writing open letters, maybe. Some of it will be kept here, other things will be kept on a notebook. With this month’s pay, I’m going to buy Instax film because for the past few months my camera has just been sitting at home, hanging out with my piggy bank (which is actually a jar). I can’t help but feel bad about these past few months which I’ve missed out on documenting through something concrete, something offline, something I can keep—although the point of not journal keeping was that exactly: to lessen the boxes I go through when I am feeling sentimental.

In high school, when YM and LiveJournal were the best ways to go (none of that fancy Facebook shiznit, harhar) I used to write a lot of open letters. This had to do with the fact that ye ole internet life was way more private in those days (seriously, back then the thought of sharing your blog was preposterous—like why would you upload your own scandal?) in as much as it had to do with my angst-filled 19-year-old brain. (2009 was 5 years ago—again, dafuqqq!). At the same time, though I feel like they were a really good way to be able to deal with stuff, regardless of whether or not they are seen by the person who sees them.

So. Here are some open letters:

Continue reading “Coffee & Flowers: Open Letters & Instax Photos”

Coffee & Flowers: Notes on Remembering


1.) You are stored up here in words; I have car, lights, veins, jeans, hands, run, city, driving, keys, lonesome, pale, stone, smile, tear, cure, sorrow, plane, young.

2.) In the center (south of breath, north of hunger) you are kept in sensations–drunkenness (running across the empty street), comfort (finding seats beside each other on the bus), compassion (listening to the silence of being heard), fear (getting lost in the city), camaraderie (laughing), excitement (breath jumping from heart to throat), anxiety (dialing), longing (counting sheep to fall asleep).

3.) Photographs are for those who have nothing to properly remember: in the end memories are torture enough. There is no proof of anything, here. If a tree falls in a forest–many teachers began. We know the answer, we know: pardon me for still pausing to ponder, sometimes (despite the fact/s).

4.) In any case, present or past, head or heart I was right to say that I can never tell what is right to feel but I am glad (to have heard) that you are well.

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