I’ve recently become very attached to my daily routine—I feel like the ins and outs of everyday are something that as a student, I wasn’t really able to appreciate fully because of the loose structure of my life back in college (the later years, anyway). I always felt like I was either in such a rush—to get to school, to beat traffic—that I was always half and half out of my routine or in a state of intense apathy (f it, I’m not going today). In a lot of ways, working has really reinforced that part of me that enjoys the stability of knowing where I’ll be, when I’ll be. I’m not sure if all this will be very interesting to anyone but I decided to share this anyway because it makes me happy. 🙂 And that’s what coffee and flowers is about. Click under the cut for more!
I’ve never been good at waiting. It’s something that I have been terrible at since age 0. But I’m (slightly regretfully) now 23 and while I know that isn’t very long, I’m hoping two decades does count for something. While I am still partly a 2-year-old stomping my tiny feet in agitation at the prospect of waiting a few more days for a hint of something or for the breaking of this silence, I know it’ll be alright to wait or that I’ll survive the wait. Hay. Life is crazy sometimes. How is it that a day can seem so long and also seem so short once you realize you might not have it for long?
Like I said, I am a deeply illogical creature. I had a good day today, though. I laughed a lot.
In other news, my officemate (Hi, Joco) found my blog today. For some reason he decided to search my name on YouTube and kapoof, supposedly extinct videos–kapoof remnants of my somewhat failed past as a person who takes photos of herself every morning (oh, wait). Hahaha One key word and–awwwww, shit. I was just talking about how weird it is when the different parallel dimensions of your life collide and well, hello. It was weird but it really made me laugh. In a way, I’m kind of glad that he found it. I am curious as to how a person’s selves can come together. So strange! I also added my work friend Rain (another Rain, not Raine hahaha) on Facebook. So this is a step for me, putting my different worlds together.
I am somewhat reminded of the first time I ate ketchup with fries. Like it was weird but I felt like–so this is what normal people do. Somehow I feel that (based off of how many of my friends go out of town with “work friends” or whose high school barkadas somehow end up melding with their childhood friends or whatever) this kind of synergy is easier for most people to achieve. Meh. Speaking of self, though–I do really like the arbitrary selfie that follows.
Anyway, tonight and tomorrow morning I’m going to be working on a project for EM’s fifth issue which is going to be edited by FFY. All of this was already the torture I knew I’d subjected myself to when I began writing but I must admit, it has all been made even all the more fucking challenging by this goddamn heat.
These past few weeks have gone by in a flurry of trips, long car rides, late nights, laughter, beers, work, typing until my fingers hurt and then getting to bed so I can get up early the next day. This summer is busier than ever–crazy, crazy, crazy. In the past two weeks, I’ve been to the beach with my boyfriend and his barkada; I was able to support my brothers and Filipino rock by heading out to a gig for the first time in months; today, I came from our office outing where (I kid you not) I was able to among other things, walk 400 meters on a 10 foot high bamboo stick (as in a single stick) “bridge” suspended in the trees and held in place only by rope.
I’m writing this at the end of a very, very long day of snacks, swimming, crawling in the mud and baking in the sun.
On the way home I was thinking about the whole process of making new friends and the pleasant past few weeks I’ve had: I think that the best thing about getting to know new people is probably that moment when you realize that these lives have been running parallel to yours up until recently–and that there’s always more to know about life; there are always more stories to tell and more secrets to keep. 🙂
I’m by no means a religious person but Holy Week does get me pretty contemplative: partly because the heat gives me no choice but to take long showers and also out of habit, I suppose.
There are so many conversations to be had, so many coffee sessions to hold, so much laughter to exhale, so much life and never enough time. But we make time, right? Sure, we make time–we stand on the horizon.
This week, I’m also looking forward to seeing the people I miss the most.
Some days you’re just a little down in the dumps. And even if things go as planned, something feels a bit off: like you’re performing an action but your bones are misaligned and you just can’t get it to feel comfortable or like the thing you’re trying to do.
I’m on leave tomorrow; I need some me time.
Yesterday I hung out with my friend Abby, who is one of the few people that I met almost solely from selling stuff online. We sat for a couple of hours, talking about books and nostalgia and photographs and aesthetics we liked. We had really good coffee and a really good, refreshing conversation. It was one of the highlights of my day yesterday–the others being having sunflower crackers and coffee with my friend Ron early in the morning before working on preparations for EM’s launch and giggling with my friend Trizha on a carpet. I also found out later on in the day that Ron and Abby are the only two people who are working (or who worked, in Ron’s case) on a poetry thesis and eventually, I got them to talk! So yayyyy! 😀 Expansion of friendship circles!
Keav (my boyfriend) stayed over this weekend and I always feel better when’s he’s here–like things are going to be okay and nothing is ever that bad. I’m very lucky to have met him (we met really coincidentally) and to still be with him after all this time–of course things aren’t always perfect but for the most part, things are great. When all things fall apart, I can always count on him to be there.
All this good stuff is happening at an opportune moment, I suppose because I woke up today feeling really strange: on one hand, I was glad that we sold almost everything at last night’s launch and that nothing bad happened but on the other hand, I felt a kind of despair in the air as well.
I realized I don’t like drinking beer with strangers and I like attending events more than holding them and that a lot of people who you fall out of touch with, you fall out of touch with for a reason: last night I had a conversation with a friend who I hadn’t seen in a while and I realized the reason we hadn’t seen each other in over a year is that we had nothing (or not much) to say to each other anymore. I realized that just when you’ve settled into yourself, it’s almost time to shake that comfort off again. We always have to keep moving, sometimes this is freeing and sometimes it’s painful but I guess in spite of that pain we keep going because what we’re really working for is the priceless luxury of things that are in-between.
Is this all too vague? Maybe. But it’s all I had today, so goodnight. 🙂
I haven’t had a lot of time to do a lot of things this week (my way of saying this is going to be brief), but one thing I always have time for (because it can be done with a combination of things, at any time and anywhere) it’s listening to Franz Ferdinand. It’s weird because the last time I was very “into” Franz Ferdinand was in 2004, when I was a sulky teenager with boy problems (Take Me Out was on a “mixtape” that I played 24/7) and rediscovering them now with a 10-year body of work to follow is almost overwhelming. Almost. I’m not very easily whelmed by volume. So. Perfecto
I read this interview of theirs on Spin Magazine and it’s so funny that it flashes back to an interview 10 years ago in which Alex Kapranos says that they make music for girls to dance to. I feel like I exist in a time parallel to 2004–10 years too late or 10 years too early, it’s almost impossible to tell. It’s like seeing someone you used to have a crush on when you were a kid and realizing that person grew up to be Adrien Brody.
Their discography is fucking amazing. I run the risk of sound cheesy (but fuck it) when I say that it excites something within me that I haven’t felt in the longest time: a kind of energetic-ness (in addition to the obligatory energy I would already put in anyway) to do things and be awake while doing them.