Coffee & Flowers: In Spite Of

Some days you’re just a little down in the dumps. And even if things go as planned, something feels a bit off: like you’re performing an action but your bones are misaligned and you just can’t get it to feel comfortable or like the thing you’re trying to do.

I’m on leave tomorrow; I need some me time.

Yesterday I hung out with my friend Abby, who is one of the few people that I met almost solely from selling stuff online. We sat for a couple of hours, talking about books and nostalgia and photographs and aesthetics we liked. We had really good coffee and a really good, refreshing conversation. It was one of the highlights of my day yesterday–the others being having sunflower crackers and coffee with my friend Ron early in the morning before working on preparations for EM’s launch and giggling with my friend Trizha on a carpet. I also found out later on in the day that Ron and Abby are the only two people who are working (or who worked, in Ron’s case) on a poetry thesis and eventually, I got them to talk! So yayyyy! 😀 Expansion of friendship circles!

Keav (my boyfriend) stayed over this weekend and I always feel better when’s he’s here–like things are going to be okay and nothing is ever that bad. I’m very lucky to have met him (we met really coincidentally) and to still be with him after all this time–of course things aren’t always perfect but for the most part, things are great. When all things fall apart, I can always count on him to be there.

All this good stuff is happening at an opportune moment, I suppose because I woke up today feeling really strange: on one hand, I was glad that we sold almost everything at last night’s launch and that nothing bad happened but on the other hand, I felt a kind of despair in the air as well.

I realized I don’t like drinking beer with strangers and I like attending events more than holding them and that a lot of people who you fall out of touch with, you fall out of touch with for a reason: last night I had a conversation with a friend who I hadn’t seen in a while and I realized the reason we hadn’t seen each other in over a year is that we had nothing (or not much) to say to each other anymore. I realized that just when you’ve settled into yourself, it’s almost time to shake that comfort off again. We always have to keep moving, sometimes this is freeing and sometimes it’s painful but I guess in spite of that pain we keep going because what we’re really working for is the priceless luxury of things that are in-between.

Is this all too vague? Maybe. But it’s all I had today, so goodnight. 🙂

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